i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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