Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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