I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
