Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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