turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
