You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
