I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
