is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize