Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
