It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
