Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My life is pants optional.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
