eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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