DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
