By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
