Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
