Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
