yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
