Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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