and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
