1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my poor anus
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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