There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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