I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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