CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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