Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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