Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
