I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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