is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
