Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
