I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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