She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
