How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so let's talk penis.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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