I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
