Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
