So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
