he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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