At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize