How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can I color on your dick again?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
