I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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