I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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