I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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