I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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