4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
