two words: eviction party
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
