Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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