that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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