why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
