Pants 0. Shit 1.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
