You just made me feel so damn special
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize