i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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