I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
