If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
