I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Randomize
