What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize