obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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