o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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