You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
