chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Found the puke drawer
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
