I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
