No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
