I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
