that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
