Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
