Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
