she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
so much tequila, so little girl.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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