how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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