Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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