dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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