You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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