remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Someone came in the potted fern
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
